ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
