If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
