You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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