worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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