I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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