the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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