He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
