just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize