Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
