I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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