I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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