So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
