we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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