Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
