you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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