Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
