dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
