I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
