Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
