we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
