we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
