I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
