Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
