I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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