Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
