You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
