Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
