From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
