i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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