I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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