Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize