The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
