I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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