I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
