We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
