Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
