I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize