i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
