I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
