Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
