Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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