Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
