new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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