Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
