hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
