Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
