Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
