one might say we're banned from that church
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
