I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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