He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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