All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
