im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize