Fine. I'll sleep in my office
too bad you live with your parents still
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
