I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
