In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
