I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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