I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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