Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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