oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
