i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
