Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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