The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
