I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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