the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
