Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize