I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
