Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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