just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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