Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize