okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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