I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
