I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
