this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize