My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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