He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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