Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
only you would photoshop your dick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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