and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
