I wish you could order shots online.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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