I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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