I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
