K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
