I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
