have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
